Are you the giver in the relationship? Dating expert explains how you may be stuck in a paradox
Efforts fuel relationships, carrying them forward, a load that should be equally distributed between partners. But sometimes, only one person selflessly keeps giving to sustain the relationship. This dynamic shows the concept of givers and takers, where one person pours all their energy into the relationship while the other only takes without contributing much. Such an imbalance forces the giver to compromise and single-handedly carry the relationship forward. This one-sided effort can be emotionally draining for natural givers.
Jillian Turecki, relationship expert, took to Instagram to share more on the concept of give and take in relationships and why givers are stuck in a paradox. Furthermore, she also emphasized that ‘givers’ in need to find another ‘giver’ for a healthy relationship.
Paradox of givers and takers
Paradox is essentially a contradictory situation, and many relationships may be in a limbo of paradox. Givers value love and support, but unfortunately, as the relationship coach stated, the paradox is that they often end up with ‘takers’, who are aloof, withdrawn, and unlikely to reciprocate the giver’s level of compassion.
She said, “If you are a giver, find another giver to love, because the truth is you will be happier with someone who’s more like you in this way because chances are you’ve loved a lot of takers. And that’s the paradox, a lot of givers will fall for takers so you have to break a pattern.”
This shows that imbalance in a relationship is exhausting, as those who give their all often end up loving partners who simply take without giving anything in return.
Someone who constantly supports their partner remains emotionally available, makes sacrifices, and puts a lot of effort into the relationship may eventually experience burnout when their partner rarely reciprocates.
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How to break the pattern
Jillian further added, “And part of breaking that pattern is learning how to get more comfortable with receiving and not making it all about giving and pleasing and overfunctioning. You have to break the pattern of trying to earn someone’s love, you have to break the pattern of love is ‘I just give more’ even when they are not giving. Your whole love life, your whole life is going to change. When you learn how to receive, and you find someone who’s aligned in that nature of yours which is to give.”
Those who constantly give sometimes internalize this habit, feeling the definitive need to please their partner regardless of whether the effort is mutual. This is the pattern Jillian mentioned breaking. Balancing the relationship is important, which means one should find someone who can equally support and love back. So a person who compulsively only ‘gives’ needs to find their significant other as ‘giver’ too.
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Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.
