Women on Reddit recall Mrs-like moments from their own lives: ‘He took away money that I earned…’

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Indian women share their Mrs-like experiences

Now, in a Reddit thread posted on r/AskIndianWomen, Indian women were asked to share their Mrs-like experiences, and the stories can also be triggering for some. The original author of the post talks about how thankless a homemaker’s job is with no fixed working hours.

They added that Sanya’s character in the movie did not leave her marriage because of the chores but because of how she was treated. “The underlying fact is housewives are slaves while maids have free will,” they added. Sharing their own story, the OP (original poster) revealed that after she got married, her father-in-law (FIL) said on the first day: “Women of the house are not allowed to fall sick. If they do, who will take care of us?” She added that though the FIL calls her mother-in-law ‘Boss of the house’, he ill-treats her.

Here are some toxic stories other women shared under the thread:

‘I cooked and cleaned after 100 people…’

A Reddit user revealed that when she got married, her husband and in-laws portrayed themselves as ‘modern’ and ‘progressive’. But they were not. For 7 years, while working full-time and earning as much as her husband, she cooked and cleaned after 100 people; even when there was a party in the house. She was always the last one to eat and the first to wake up, and she did laundry, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, and folding the laundry, apart from cooking and cleaning the dishes. On weekends, she worked tirelessly as everyone enjoyed the food she prepared.

“Nobody was considerate if a dish tasted good, they would finish it and leave none for me. Sometimes, I would eat roti with some water. If my FIL was upset about anything, he would throw away the food, and I would have nothing to eat. I developed a very unhealthy relationship with food because of that,” she added.

“If I ever purchased anything for myself, my MIL would yell, scream and cause problems. So I had to hide everything. If he tried to take me out to dinner or something, my MIL would cause problems. FIL would regularly cuss at my parents when I got really sick. For anyone wondering, I did all of those things while also having a full-time job. I made as much money as him, which he took away because he knows how to handle money (he didn’t),” the woman wrote.

The Reddit user divorced her husband after a suicide attempt and developing health problems that no doctor had answers for. “There was a lot more that I don’t want to re-live even in writing. Today, I am healthy, happy and single, and I make a lot more money than that MFer. And I have a dog that I love more than anything,” she concluded.

‘The wife was in the kitchen all the time’

Another woman shared a story about a couple who lived in her neighbourhood. “My neighbourhood couple hosted a dinner for their 25th anniversary; the wife was in the kitchen all the time, well dressed but cooking. Nobody told her to sit or that someone else would take care of it. My mother felt so sad she went into the kitchen to help her. I was a bit shook with it because everybody was treating it as something absolutely normal,” she wrote.

‘Flour dough needs to be kneaded right’

Though some women had great in-laws, they still experienced instances where they were discriminated against just because they were homemakers.

Sharing her experience, a woman wrote, “I feel borderline guilty admitting these things because my in-laws are good people in several ways, but honestly, there are several such things. There are a few things that my FIL does that are really close to what the men in the movie did. Flour dough needs to be kneaded right before making chapatis, or he “doesn’t like how they taste”.”

“After finishing his meals, he expects to be handed a slightly wet hand towel to wipe his hands. He doesn’t like using paper tissues. Well, why the hell do you not get up and wash+wipe your damn hands then? He has NO clue about his medicines. My MIL arranges them and hands them over to him, or he wouldn’t even have them. And several other such things,” she added.

“My MIL happily puts up with all of this and keeps running around to please this man who can hardly ever be pleased. The same man who never stood up for her, and is still ungrateful. And this woman even financially supported herself and her kids to a good extent through her small business. Still, she took so much sh*t from her in-laws and continues to be a doormat,” she wrote.

‘Mom does not get any money to spend on herself’

A few women shared the experience of their mother under the thread. A user wrote, “My mother was 19, was studying in a hostel, when she was called home because next day she was going to be engaged to my father who was 29 at the time. She is required to cook no matter what the situation is with her. She had to get permission to visit her own home, which led to many fights between her and my grandmother. (Fights=grandmother saying mean stuff to her continuously and she is reply in either a sentence or not speaking at all). She does not get any money to spend on herself but “she can always ask”. That never happens.”

SUICIDE HELPLINE INFO: If you need support or know someone who does, please reach out to your nearest mental health specialist. Helplines: Aasra: 022 2754 6669; Sneha India Foundation: +914424640050 and Sanjivini: 011-24311918