Woman asks if she should dump her boyfriend because he kisses her before leaving for work
A post shared on Reddit has sparked widespread discussion about boundaries, sleep health, and well-intentioned behavior in relationships.
In a recent submission on the subreddit r/AIO (am I overreacting), a 30-year-old woman detailed an ongoing conflict with her 39-year-old boyfriend that, while seemingly minor, has left her feeling exhausted and frustrated. She titled her post, ‘AIO if I end my relationship because my bf kisses and tells me he loves me before leaving for work in the morning?’
The couple, who have different work schedules, live together but sleep in separate bedrooms to accommodate their routines. While the boyfriend leaves home by 7 am for work, the woman, a graduate student, often works late into the night and prioritises getting a full eight hours of sleep.
Break up over morning kisses?
According to the post, the issue arises each morning when the boyfriend enters her bedroom before leaving to kiss her and tell her he loves her — a gesture she acknowledges as affectionate but disruptive. The woman claims the routine wakes her up every time, often during deep sleep, as confirmed by data from her Oura sleep-tracking ring. She says the interruptions leave her groggy and negatively impact her day.
Despite repeatedly asking her partner not to wake her — including reminding him the night before and even taping notes to her door requesting uninterrupted sleep — the behaviour has continued. She suggested alternative expressions of affection, such as leaving notes or sending messages she could read upon waking, but says these requests have not been respected.
The woman added that aside from this issue, the relationship is otherwise strong, but admitted that ongoing sleep deprivation has pushed her to her “wit’s end.” She turned to Reddit seeking clarity on how to address the situation without dismissing her partner’s intentions or compromising her own well-being.
Reactions from Reddit
The post has since drawn significant engagement, with users debating whether the boyfriend’s actions constitute a harmless habit or a disregard for clearly stated boundaries, highlighting a broader conversation around consent, communication, and the importance of sleep in healthy relationships.
A person suggested, “if you have to find “tricks” and “strategies” to stop your partner from doing something you’ve repeatedly told them not to do, WHY ARE YOU WITH A PERSON WHO REPEATEDLY CROSSES YOUR BOUNDARIES???”
Another suggested giving him a taste of his own medicine. “NOR If he really just won’t stop by you don’t want to end the relationship i would start waking him up to say good night and you love him when you go to bed so he can see the effects of his actions. Less drastic, I’m also a big fan of a rubber door stopper to keep him out.”
A person said, “The kiss and good morning is fake care tbh. If he really cared he’d listen.”
Another asked why she doesn’t lock her doors. The OP replied, “No locks and I have to leave my door at least a little cracked unfortunately otherwise no A/C would get to my room, but I stack things behind the door to keep it mostly closed and he still pushes it open.”
One Redditor offered a different perspective on the matter, “I always give my fiancé a kiss and tell her I love her before I leave for work. But that’s because I never know if I’ll come back home alive or not. I work underground and you never know what can happen down there. But He should be respecting your wishes.”
Another said, “I’m wondering if this is some sort of compulsion, like perhaps he thinks something bad will happen to you if he doesn’t? Have you asked him why he continues to do this despite your please not to?”
Update from OP
The woman edited her post to give an update. She clarified that she is not truly thinking about breaking up with him over this. “I knew the premise was absurd and hyperbolic and I don’t actually want to end my great relationship, which is why I decided (on very little sleep, mind you) to create an anonymous Reddit account to vent my micro-frustrations out to the internet so that my inner molehill mountain gremlin would not leach over into my actual life. I have definitely learned from this experience the ramifications of such decisions and this is the last time I’ll be doing something like this.”
She also mentioned what happened when he discussed the matter with her boyfriend more openly. “When my bf came home for lunch we talked it out. He had kept the lights off to be minimally disruptive when making his morning coffee and didn’t see the sign on the door. He forgot I mentioned I would be up late but did kinda remember me asking not wake me up BUT it is our anniversary and for him, it’s about the worry that if something happens to either one of us and that not being the last thing he did. (He’s a complete sweetheart ok I know 😭 +++ points for all the commenters that think I’m an absolute monster!)
“He promised he would take it more seriously moving forward and I take him at his word for all of it. A big THANK YOU to all of the sincere responses with suggestions because from all of that came to a great solution. He is a wonderful illustrator so I am going to mount a dry erase board on the back of my door for him to easily leave me messages. But after more thought too I’m going to tell him later he can come in and kiss me goodbye and just ask he do it somewhere less sensitive like the top of my head + not whisper directly in my ear.”
She also said that the reactions made her realise how little Reddit users actually know the full extent of a relationship when they comment on such posts.
