How healthy is your relationship? Take the viral ‘bird theory’ test to find out
Dating in today’s times requires navigating an extra layer of complexity, with countless trends, tests, and terms circulating online. One such term capturing major attention is the ‘bird theory,’ a relationship concept that has gone viral on social media.
With nearly 20 million views on posts and reels tagged #birdtheory on Instagram alone, the trend is being hailed as a simple emotional check-in disguised as a playful experiment. Interestingly, the term isn’t new at its core—it’s rooted in the psychological concept of ‘bids of connection,’ coined by American psychologist John Gottman in the 1990s.
According to the Gottmans’ research, relationships thrive when partners respond positively to these small, everyday “bids” for attention, affection, or interaction. The bird theory translates this idea into a bite-sized test.
So, how do you try it?
The test begins with you sharing a random, non-significant detail of your day. If your partner responds with curiosity, warmth, or interest—something like, “Oh really? What did it look like?”— It’s seen as a sign of emotional connection. They’re not reacting to the content but to you, and that engagement suggests they value your inner world, no matter how mundane the detail.
On the other hand, if your partner dismisses the comment, ignores it, or responds with indifference, it may signal a disconnect. In the language of the Gottmans, they’re “turning away” from your bid rather than “turning toward” it.
