Heartbroken Bengaluru woman reveals husband’s excuses to celebrate Diwali with just his family every year: ‘I miss mine’

The woman, married for three years, lives with her husband in a rented home in Bengaluru. “Both of us come from different cities — he’s from Rajasthan and I’m from Pune,” she wrote. “For the first two years, we celebrated Diwali with his family. This year though, we weren’t able to go because of his interviews, my promotion and just extremely expensive tickets.”

She said they had already visited his hometown several times this year, so staying back made sense. “Of course, the in-laws are pissed but we also need to see the economics,” she added.

During the conversation, she mentioned, “Maybe we can go to Pune next year. I haven’t celebrated with my family for three years now, and I miss them.” Her husband’s reaction made her pause. “It was almost like I needed his permission. Only if he agreed, could we do this.”

What are the husband’s responses?

He gave several responses that, she said, showed how patriarchy seeps into even equal marriages. “Next year, we can spend Diwali at my place and leave for your place the next day,” he told her. When she asked why not the other way round, “He started laughing with an embarrassed look.”

He also suggested, “How about we invite your family here this year?” But as she pointed out, “Just like my in-laws can’t leave their house, obviously my family can’t either.”

At one point, he admitted, “I know this should be changed but I’ve only seen this same thing for 32 years.”

Then came another question: “Would you be okay if your child goes to his wife’s house for Diwali and not celebrate with you?” She replied, “Yeah, why would that be a problem?” and said he just looked away.

He later said, “Well you belong to our family now.”

“Doesn’t he belong to my family too?” she wrote, adding that he seemed scared of offending his parents.

“I’m just really annoyed and disappointed in him. He’s a brilliant husband, we’ve been equal throughout our marriage, but there’s patriarchy and inequality that still exists,” she said.

She continued, “As a grown woman, I shouldn’t even be asking for his permission, but here we are. Had this been the other way around, it would be assumed. That’s why I’ll keep fighting for feminism.”

Her post ended on a note that many found deeply relatable. “Somehow celebrating Diwali with a girl’s family is looked down upon, that men have it SO easy and women’s experiences are so heavily overlooked and discounted.”

“It was a simple Diwali celebration discussion,” she concluded. “I feel a good man would just offer to spend it alternatively every year. Not this…not subtle patriarchy.”

Reddit reacts to her situation

People on Reddit gave her advices and also asked her to do what she pleases. A few also shared their own, similar situations. “Men love equality till the time you pay equal bills. Beyond that and anything that can offend his parents is off limits. I have been married for 6 years and have only celebrated it with my parents once. It feels frustrating,” wrote a person.

A person also suggested a way they worked around this situation with their partner. “Hi, I made this arrangement in my marriage that we go to each other’s place for equal days. Literally. He can go to his parent’s house whenever he wants and same with me and when we go together we go for same number of days. 2 weeks us at his, 2 weeks us at mine. For festivals, it’s holi at my place diwali at his and vice versa next year.”

Others suggested a more stringent action. “Stop going in-laws house from next time. Go to your parents house and he will go to his house. Soon, he will agree with you. Or don’t even go to anyone’s house,” wrote a person.

A person suggested that if the husband is not taking her feelings into account, likely he is not a great husband to begin with. “For god’s sakes, just go to your family. Don’t waste your precious tears so that he can maintain his family’s hypocritical expectations. And please, this dude is not a great husband or whatever if he can’t even see how much you’re hurting over this. There are men who do way better. Don’t lower the bar for your husband. Let him improve and meet your standards,” they told the woman.

“You are not equal in your marriage and you don’t need his permission to visit your parents. Let him handle his parents and you enjoy yours with yours. The freedoms we enjoy in mumbai and pune is rarely found anywhere else in the country,” said another.

What do you think is the best way to navigate such a situation?

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional relationship advice. It is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.