Clinical psychologist reveals 6 relationship patterns that people mistake for love and compatibility
In a world that moves fast and loves faster, finding love today is not as simple as it once sounded in stories. For those who still believe in old-school love, built on understanding, patience, and emotional safety, genuine compatibility can feel more complicated than ever. The fear of being alone, of missing out, or of not finding “the one” pushes many into relationships where adjustment slowly turns into self-erasure. What is often labelled as love, compromise, or maturity is sometimes self-neglect in disguise.
Real love does not expect you to shrink, pretend, or change who you are to fit someone else’s idea of a relationship. Because when you keep wearing a mask for too long, it eventually slips, and that can hurt both you and the relationship. Your needs, feelings, and identity matter.
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Clinical psychologist Mimansa Singh Tanwar, Head of the Fortis School Mental Health Program, explains some common relationship patterns that people often confuse with love and compatibility.
One such pattern is high emotional intensity. Relationships filled with extreme emotions, constant ups and downs, jealousy, emotional drama, or feelings of being overwhelmed are often perceived as passionate love. But in reality, this kind of intensity can be emotionally tiring and unhealthy. Love need not feel chaotic to be real.
Another common mistake is giving too much importance to the display of love rather than what holds a relationship together. Many people judge love by surprises, gifts, or big celebrations. This idea is heavily influenced by movies, social media, and romantic books. While these gestures feel good, they do not replace everyday care, trust, and honest communication.
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Many people also believe that losing themselves in a relationship is a sign of maturity. Ignoring personal needs, changing core values, or letting go of individuality to keep the relationship going may seem selfless. But over time, this can create emotional distance and dissatisfaction. A healthy relationship should allow you to grow, not disappear.
Then there are fixed expectations about how a relationship should be. These expectations come from society, family, or what we see around us. Following a strict rulebook may seem sensible, but it often overlooks the fact that every person and every relationship is unique. Compatibility grows when partners try to understand each other, rather than forcing a relationship to fit an ideal image.
Another pattern people mistake for care is constantly rescuing the partner. Always fixing their problems, managing their emotions, or putting their needs before your own can feel like love. But this can lead to emotional dependency and unhealthy boundaries. Over time, the person giving too much may feel drained, while the other may come to expect it.
Avoiding difficult conversations is often perceived as a sign of maturity or calmness. However, not discussing issues does not make them go away. Unspoken feelings, unmet needs, and minor disappointments slowly pile up. Eventually, this can turn into resentment and emotional distance.
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Love should not cost you your sense of self. True compatibility comes from honesty, mutual effort, and the freedom to be yourself, without fear.
