Portland therapist explains ‘Love Map’, shares 10 questions couples should know about each other for a stronger bond
It is difficult to define a romantic relationship. It can be a lot of things, from messy to rewarding, but it is widely accepted that knowing your partner well helps in making it sustainable. And there happens to be a test to find out how well an individual truly knows their partner.
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Taking to Instagram on January 18, Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland, spoke about Love Maps, which he defined as thus: “Basically, it’s how well you know your partner’s inner world- their stresses, their dreams, quirks, and favourite things. Couples with strong love maps are more connected, handle conflicts better, and feel more secure.”
What is a Love Map?
Love Map is a tool developed by psychological researchers Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman. According to the Gottman Institute website, the principle behind it is that “knowing the little things about your partner’s life creates a strong foundation for your friendship and intimacy.”
The website described Love Map as the part of the brain where one stores all personal information about their partner’s life.
“Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s worlds,” it noted. “These couples made plenty of cognitive room in their minds for their relationship. They remember the major events in each other’s histories, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s world change.”
While the questions to start building a Love Map can be much simpler, the ones shared by Jeff on Instagram take it to the next level. They are presented as follows.
Questions to build a Love Map
- What is the one thing your partner misses most about how the world felt 10 years ago?
- What is your partner’s most frequent late-night internet rabbit hole or search topic?
- What is the most niche topic your partner could give an impromptu 10-minute presentation on?
- What is the specific sensory trigger – a sound, light or texture – that irritates your partner most?
- What is a compliment that your partner has a very hard time actually believing?
- What is your partner’s favourite way to receive physical affection that is strictly non-sexual?
- What is the very first thing your partner notices about a person they just met?
- What is a useless item your partner keeps strictly for sentimental reasons?
- What is a specific piece of media, book, film, or creator that shifted your partner’s worldview?
- What is your partner’s Roman Empire – the specific topic or event they find themselves thinking about constantly?
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice. It is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
