Redditor shares divorce lawyer’s brutally honest marriage advice: ‘Everything you tolerate during dating phase will…’

Hard-hitting marriage advice that’ll make you think twice

In August 2025, a Redditor on the subreddit Divorce, shared: “A divorce lawyer gave me a piece of advice that hit hard and I wanted to share it here.” They said, “Everything you tolerate during the dating phase will come back to you 10 times harsher in the marriage’. Let that sink in for a second.”

Think about it. If you’re brushing off red flags now, chances are they’ll only get louder and more damaging down the line. The stress of marriage and life can amplify issues, not erase them. The Redditor went on to explain: “If you’re brushing off red flags right now thinking ‘I can handle this’ or ‘they’ll grow out of it,’ you’re not doing yourself a favour. Those things won’t go away but they’ll usually grow louder and more damaging with time, especially under the stress of marriage and life.”

Divorce lawyer’s brutal honesty

The lawyer’s parting shot that stayed with the Redditor? “Don’t marry potential. Marry what’s in front of you.” It’s a wake-up call for anyone who’s ignoring deal-breakers or hoping their partner will change. The Redditor wrote, “Her last line was what really stayed with me: ‘Don’t marry potential. Marry what’s in front of you’. I ignored this advice in my own past, and I wish I hadn’t. Now I’m wondering, do you agree with this? Have you seen red flags disappear over time, or do they tend to stay (or get worse)? For those of you who divorced, were there signs during dating you overlooked?”

‘I ignored red flags, I’m paying for it now’

Many reacted to the post; while some supported, others contradicted this advice. Someone commented on the post, “100 percent accurate. I ignored my gut. I ignored red flags. I’m paying for it now.”

Another comment read, “I look back at my husband’s behavior while we were dating and I’m appalled at how I let him treat me. Ashamed that I didn’t have enough self-confidence to kick him to the curb. He is the same person he was back then. No growth, no self-reflection. He didn’t care about anyone but himself and he still doesn’t. I just don’t know then how hateful he was capable of being.” A person also said, “Sometimes healing is possible. But, the person in question has to want to heal. A lot of those who had a rough lot in life don’t want to work on themselves. Unfortunately.”

So, do you agree? Have you seen red flags disappear over time, or do they tend to stay (or get worse)?

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